Yesterday Colin connected up the VCR. This wouldn’t be very significant if it weren’t for two videos which are fairly important to me. I have two videos of performances (and performance exams) from year 12.

For my entire pre-Melbourne existence, music was my life. I had lessons in four instruments, I took part in 5 (at one point 6) extra-curricular music groups. I was preparing for my Amus (advanced diploma of music) in voice, 6th grade AMEB piano and had an organ scholarship. Now, I play guitar when the fancy takes me, cello rarely, and I no longer have a piano (something which is driving me crazy).

At school I practically was my voice. Everyone knew me because of it, I was a fucking celebrity to the prep kids after my role in Dido and Aeneas. It seems weird that no one in Melbourne thinks of me as a musician None of them have heard me sing. Not even Colin has seen me perform.

I no longer have the effortless control of my voice. I don’t remember developing it but in those days if I could think it I could sing it. I never considered a piece to be difficult to sing, I never encountered a piece I couldn’t master in days. Now, I attempt to sing the same music and my voice falters, I don’t have the high notes, the diaphragm control, the vocal stamina.

I want to start singing again. I want to work towards the Amus I never completed; get back into performing.

Everyone thought I would be a professional singer. It would be a shame to throw away the one thing I was the best at.

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