The Things You Learn…

…When stuck in the middle of nowhere without Internet access.

Actually to be honest there was Internet access. I just wasn’t willing to pay $25 a day for the privilege; but, back to the point. When you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere without Internet access you start finding other ways to entertain yourself. Like women’s magazines.

I really do recommend that any man who has a girlfriend/wife/mistress/all-of-the-above (you know who you are) makes sure he has a flick through of whichever magazines his various significant females read. I am convinced that 90% of strange female behaviour is caused by a lethal combination of spazzed out hormones and women’s magazines.

Anyway, this months issue of Marie Claire has a fascinating and very deep article on… ‘Sex and your stars… a six-month horoscope special’. Now I tend to view horoscopes with a certain level of amusement. They are, obviously a pile of garbage, but in terms of their personality descriptions they’ve got mine pretty much spot on, so its always amusing when they give their take on my sexual and or romantic tendencies.

So here is what I learned about myself from this months Marie Claire:

  1. the most important sexual organ is the brain… (of course it is… why didn’t I realise before)
  2. I am spontaneous, liberated, unpredictable, and love to experiment
  3. I give the impression of someone sexy, stimulating and erotically uninhibited
  4. I drive men crazy with my air of amused detachment and elitist demeanour

(this is the best bit)

You need to feel connected to a kindred mind so you can be mesmerised by someone brilliant and articulate who seems to have all the answers. You usually don’t discover until it’s too late that he’s all head and no heart… You also attract unfaithful types who take advantage of your trust.

The worrying thing is that I can think of a fair handful of people who fit that description perfectly.

So there you have it. Miriam according to Marie Claire.

And if you want my shiny piece of advice. If you’re going to start a relationship with someone who has a history of affairs and one-night stands then just be honest about it and make it an open relationship. Its not usually the sex that upsets people but the dishonesty.

The Story So Far…

I’m in a good mood with myself. As predicted, I all but finished my programming assignment tonight. All I have left is final commenting, UML diagram and cleanup etc. I also finished my cam design assignment which I find amusing even if no one else does. Particularly the bit where we have to constrain the jerk… actually that bit had the entire lecture in hysterics.

Lecturer: (and you have to imagine this with a really thick Indian accent)”…and then we have infinite jerking and that is unacceptable” puzzled look as everyone in the lecture theatre snorts their red-bull out their nose
Smartarse: “when is jerking a problem”
Lecturer: “on the next page”
Class: erupts in hysterics again. Eventually recovers until…
Lecturer: “what is so funny?”

On a completely different note I think my caffeine addiction has come to an ugly head. The other day I actually woke up with a caffeine withdrawal headache… at 7am… is that bad?