Actually to be honest there was Internet access. I just wasn’t willing to pay $25 a day for the privilege; but, back to the point. When you’re stuck in the middle of nowhere without Internet access you start finding other ways to entertain yourself. Like women’s magazines.

I really do recommend that any man who has a girlfriend/wife/mistress/all-of-the-above (you know who you are) makes sure he has a flick through of whichever magazines his various significant females read. I am convinced that 90% of strange female behaviour is caused by a lethal combination of spazzed out hormones and women’s magazines.

Anyway, this months issue of Marie Claire has a fascinating and very deep article on… ‘Sex and your stars… a six-month horoscope special’. Now I tend to view horoscopes with a certain level of amusement. They are, obviously a pile of garbage, but in terms of their personality descriptions they’ve got mine pretty much spot on, so its always amusing when they give their take on my sexual and or romantic tendencies.

So here is what I learned about myself from this months Marie Claire:

1. the most important sexual organ is the brain… (of course it is… why didn’t I realise before)
2. I am spontaneous, liberated, unpredictable, and love to experiment
3. I give the impression of someone sexy, stimulating and erotically uninhibited
4. I drive men crazy with my air of amused detachment and elitist demeanour

(this is the best bit)

You need to feel connected to a kindred mind so you can be mesmerised by someone brilliant and articulate who seems to have all the answers. You usually don’t discover until it’s too late that he’s all head and no heart… You also attract unfaithful types who take advantage of your trust.

The worrying thing is that I can think of a fair handful of people who fit that description perfectly.

So there you have it. Miriam according to Marie Claire.

And if you want my shiny piece of advice. If you’re going to start a relationship with someone who has a history of affairs and one-night stands then just be honest about it and make it an open relationship. Its not usually the sex that upsets people but the dishonesty.